1. Band students will not be as enthusiastic about your favorite piece of band literature as you are. In fact, no one will be enthusiastic about your favorite piece of band literature, period.
2. Rebecca Black showed us that not just anyone can be President - rather, anyone can get a record deal and 58 million hits (and counting) on YouTube. God bless America.
3. Remember how I said Law & Order SVU is the best show on television in my last Several Things post? Well, watching an SVU marathon will convince you that rapists and child molesters are lurking behind every corner. I'm pretty sure there's one in my closet right now waiting for me to go to sleep.
4. There's nothing more depressing than your daffodils getting covered up in seven inches of snow when you're a middle-class white suburbanite.
5. Kirstie Alley has her crazy pants hiked up way too high.
6. I'm saving myself $15 right now by clipping my split ends at home while I write this joke of a blog post. Suck it, Geico.
7. Lady Gaga lost it with Born This Way; Britney Spears picked it right back up with Till The World Ends.
8. Tyler Perry is a prime example of how a regular Joe Heterosexual can be queer as hell at the same time.
9. What's better than watching Rocky Horror Picture Show on a stormy Saturday night? Watching Rocky Horror Picture Show on a stormy Saturday night while eating your weight in cheesecake.
10. Sometimes, as I gaze at the hardy cactus plants that I still managed to kill, I wonder if I am capable of raising children.
11. High schoolers don't care if their music teachers can play the masterworks of Beethoven, Brahms, Mozart, or Bach at the piano. You'll more likely earn their respect by being able to pound out the first few chords to "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles.
12. Nope. Not writing any more of these.
#10: demetri martin on plants: "I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert."
ReplyDelete#11: this is so true. AND, CONFESSION: when i was in junior high i thought it was way cooler that my friend could play vanessa carlton's "a thousand miles" on the piano. meanwhile, he was blazing through chopin and khachaturian at piano competitions. i now recognize that "a thousand miles" is basically just three minutes of arpeggios. WOOO AWESOME. /sarcasm.